THE TEN DOGGIE COMMANDMENTS
(FOR ALGAE)

Thou Shall Obey the Mommy and Daddy

Thou Shall Not Bite the Mommy and Daddy

Thou Shall Not Covet the Mommy and Daddy’s Dinner

Thou Shall Not Soil the Duvet With Thy Dirty Paws

Thou Shall Not Bark Between the Hours of 11 PM and 7 AM

Thou Shall Not Chew On the Walls, Floors or Furniture

Thou Shall Not Smell Terrible

Thou Shall Return the Ball to the Mommy and Daddy

Thou Shall Not Pass Wind in the Presence of the Guests

Thou Shall Not Scratch Thy Ass On the Carpet

COROLLARY
 
 The garbage man is NOT stealing our stuff.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

Neither the sofa nor the carpet are face towels.  Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

 I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my humans will think I'm  hemorrhaging.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

 I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

 I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

 I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

 I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to  throw up.

 I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead birds, fish, snakes, road kill, etc.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

 I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

 I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

 My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.